Notes on the Last Year and on Turning 38
It’s been almost exactly three years since I last had time and energy to write my semi-annual reflection. For years I wrote a reflection every New Year’s Day and every birthday, which made for a pretty thorough review of my life every six months. After Lily was born, it became harder to carve out the time to actually write down my review, although I have tried to continue the practice of regularly reflecting on my goals, progress, issues, etc. To some extent, my blog has provided me with an outlet for regularly reflection in writing. It’s probably no coincidence that I began my blog in April 2004 and my last official reflection was written July 11, 2004. This year, I am going to write my reflection the way I used to and post it to my blog, bridging my old practice—the written reflection that was kept private—with my new practice—regular, informal reflection posted to my blog.
I’m 38 now. Once I hit about 30, I started feeling the deadline of 47—the age at which my mother died—breathing down my neck a bit more. Nine years left, assuming I die at 47. (I should emphasize that there is no real reason to believe I will die at 47. Since I recovered from an AVM when I was 27, I’ve had no serious health threats. My morbid assumption that I’ll die at 47 is totally irrational. In the lucky—and, I admit, likely—event that I do live beyond 47, I imagine I will feel incredibly grateful for every day. Even more grateful than I already feel, given that I do truly believe that I should have died when I was 27. Anyway. Ahem.)
Important events and developments in my life during the past year:
- I finished my Ph.D., the biggest project I’ve ever taken on. I never considered quitting, but I don’t think I ever actually envisioned myself finishing, either. I’m incredibly proud of myself for finishing. Now my big challenge is to figure out how to balance my interest in research (and publishing) with the demands of my job at a 5-5 load, exclusively teaching-oriented institution.
- I took a summer off from teaching. This summer is the very first I’ve taken off since I began teaching in 1995. I’ve never enjoyed teaching in a compressed format, as summer semesters demand, but I have enjoyed having only once class to focus all my energies on. I wasn’t sure how I would like not teaching this summer, but I admit that I have absolutely loved it. It’s wonderful to have all the time and energy to spend with Lily, and I’ve had time to devote to reading for pleasure, a few organizing projects around the house, and taking a cake decorating class. I’ve also had some work-related projects to work on, a few book reviews, and of course, the prospectus.
- I wrote a textbook prospectus with Amy. After talking about doing it for years, Amy and I finally wrote and sent out a prospectus for a composition textbook. Although I feel very ambivalent about textbooks and textbook publishing in general, I am excited about the project Amy and I have outlined and hope we are offered a chance to write the book.
- This next one must be vague (sorry). I am coming to a somewhat different understanding of someone in my life who I have had a fairly hostile relationship with. I’ll call her/him Chris. Recent events that didn’t involve Chris have given me a different perspective to see Chris from. Chris is someone I must deal with regularly and I have never been comfortable with how I’ve dealt with her/him. I don’t necessarily feel more comfortable with Chris now, but I do have a different understanding. I’m not sure how this will develop over the next year.
Practice for the next year:
- Get back into a regular yoga practice. The RRCC yoga class didn’t fit into my schedule in the spring and I maintained a home practice until about the end of February. At that point, yoga just fell by the wayside. I’ll definitely take the RRCC yoga class in the fall. I deal with stress much better when I am doing yoga regularly.
- Read more strategically. My goal is to read every month one novel, one non-fiction book not connected to composition, one book connected to composition, and 8 journal articles. Without a reading schedule, I tend to start five or more books and read them haphazardly.
- Develop friendships with other mothers. I don’t know too many other mothers; very few of my friends have children. I’ve joined an organization called Mothers & More that meets regularly.
- Stick to a regular writing schedule. I’ll need to do this to get the textbook written, if Amy and I get a contract. Plus, I want to mine my dissertation for an article or two. I have some ideas—I need to stick to a regular writing schedule and get those articles written.
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